Do you know what I absolutely loathe right now? It’s that ad for children’s formula. It shows a boy, probably about 6 years old looking a bit lost and alone. In front of him is a rubbish bin and his mum is throwing out his dinner: chicken, veggies, pasta etc. With every new dish in the bin a list of nutrients from the dish displays and the voice over warns about all the nutrients your child is missing out on because they’re going in the bin. Meanwhile the child gets smaller and smaller in the background.

It’s an obvious play on parental guilt and while most of us have found a way to come to terms with our child not eating all the good food we give them, this ad reinforces those fears, which to some extent legitimises them.

That ad is particularly determined to make us all feel like bad parents but are toddler and child formulas really necessary? What’s wrong with a glass of milk (be it cow, goat, rice, soy, expressed breast milk)?? By the time a child has been eating solids for a few months their digestive system is fully functioning, and I suspect that if you’re reading this article you live in a developed country where more children suffer from over nutrition than malnutrition. I just don’t understand – what is the point of child formulas???

I think the answer is simple: you can’t advertise infant formulas (in Australia at least) so formula brands developed a child formula that can be advertised. In advertising the child formula, the company is promoting the image of the brand and all its products. I wonder whether child formula is actually profitable by itself? Maybe the brands are prepared to make a loss in child formula because of the gains from promoting their real cash cow, the infant formula.

Now I do believe that infant formula has a place on our shelves, I know many a mother who despite months and months of the most herculean effort was not able to breastfeed her baby, and thankfully there was a workable alternative.

What I can’t stand is being made to feel like if my child doesn’t eat every morsel of food they’re given then they will be deficient in vital nutrients. We are so lucky in Australia to have fabulous fresh food, much of it grown locally, and the wages or government support to afford it. I simply do not accept that an otherwise healthy child will deny themselves food to the point of malnutrition.

Kids are fussy eaters. At least mine are. For 6 months all Amelia would reliably eat (at home) were rice bubbles. It was awful, there’s more nutritional value in cardboard than rice bubbles. But she survived.

Dr Cath Conlon, a nutrition scientist from Massey University, New Zealand identified a few things you can do to encourage good eating:

•     Try to eat with your children as much as possible, eating is a social activity afterall!
•     Offer a variety of healthy foods
•     Don’t give up after one refusal, offer it again another time
•     Sometimes it’s not the flavour but the texture that is unappealing so try preparing the food in a different way (for example mashed, boiled or baked potatoes)
•    Your child’s taste buds will change as they grow so don’t despair if they won’t eat anything right now

“Fussy eaters are more likely to eat a healthy meal when surrounded by others doing the same,” says Dr Conlon.
This explains why your child eats perfectly well at daycare/kindy/preschool but won’t eat anything you make for them at home.
It’s normal for children to be fussy about food from around 18 months of age, lasting for up to a year. Food fussiness for a toddler is about asserting independence and having some control over their lives.
Even having just one other person sit and eat with your fussy eater can be enough. We recently changed our family mealtime to about 6pm so that we can all enjoy dinner together. We think it made a big difference towards Amelia eating a greater variety of foods. Since Ned has started eating solids, Amelia has been even more adventurous with the foods she takes to her lips.
I would add my own point to the list: don’t get caught in the trap of changing your meal mid-meal because your child won’t eat it.

About a year ago, when Millie was 2 we decided to only give Amelia one dinner and if she didn’t like it or didn’t eat it that was a shame but here was no alternative. Since then she at least tries some of her dinner. I still feel like most nights she doesn’t eat anything but I also believe that so long as she’s offered good food regularly I’m doing the right thing.

You can’t force someone to eat, and your’e likely to all get upset if you do. A child will not starve themselves.

You don’t need expensive formulas to keep a toddler well nourished. You need oodles of patience and confidence in your abilities.

Should I submit a complaint about this ad to advertising standards?

Thank you to all the beautiful, amazing, loving mothers whose inspiring words have captured the many facets of motherhood:

“My thoughts on being a mother in the 1970′s: Being a mother eclipses anything I have done in the past or ever will do in the future, when I look at my 3 grown children, two girls and a boy born last (I always tease my two girls that he is my favourite) I am filled with immense pride that I have done my job so very well, whether it be the environment of being brought up on a farm in a semi-rural area and slightly isolated from the city or good parenting or just them or just damn good luck, I can’t say. I was also very lucky to be able to work from home and have my children around me while I worked, not possible in today’s world. My advice always to them while growing up was, always stay in touch with each other no matter where you are and to build a bridge (maybe not those exact words but the meaning was the same) if there was ever trouble or fights between them, you are family and must always be there for each other no matter what the world throws at you and to have family get togethers whenever you can and when your dad and I are gone, please continue to keep the family bonds strong.” - Robyn, mother of 3, grandmother of 7

“I believe that if children are given positive encouragement and support they will feel good about themselves and that attitude can inspire them to lead happy, productive lives” - Rebecca Healy, Barnados Mother of the Year 2011 and Northern Territory Young Australian of the Year 2012

“Being a mum of a 3 year old at 45 is such a joy. We had him 10 years after getting married. Yes it was IVF (got him on the fifth cycle!), but we had no issues with that. It was just a process. I had an amazing pregnancy and a natural birth (not so amazing!!) and now we have the most amazing son. We are however, overly exhausted!! We always thought maybe we would try for a second one but deep down we know that if we did it would probably kill us, so for our son’s sake we have decided one will have to do!!” - Julijana

“Being a mum? It’s crazy!” - Jennie (first time mother to newborn Miriam)

“Why is it that people expect me to forget a part of myself? Why would you? Loss of a loved one, particularly a child is not something you forget any more than you can get out of your mind that you once attended school.” - Lyndi Chamberlain-Creighton in her 30th anniversary letter, 2010 (Lyndi is one of Australia’s most famed mothers)

“Making the decision to have a child without a partner is a huge one and was not one I made lightly. 3 years down the line my little girl is the best thing that I ever did. Yes there are times I wish I had someone to pass her onto to get a break – like when she refuses to go to sleep (which is most times) or when she throws herself on the floor because I won’t give her a lolly. But then she turns to me and says “I love you mummy” and my heart melts. Every time I hear those words or get her 100 cuddles a day I know that no matter how challenging being a single parent is – it is so worth it!” - Lynda

“I think the more children you have the more you appreciate them. With my first we were always waiting for her to reach the next milestone, to do every new thing. But with the second and third children you can appreciate them more as a baby. Having another baby is going to be really tough at first, and then pay off for the rest of my life. You have to think to the future” - Kylie

“Half the people I’ve told this episode to now want to turn me in for child abuse. As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It’s not. It’s debilitating — for us and for them.” -Lenore Skenazy on “Why I let my 9 year old ride the subway alone“, 2008 (check out her blog Free Range Kids)

“Motherhood to me is the most frustrating, most rewarding thing that has ever happened to me. If I bake and sew, have a career as well as my own business it’s only because my brain needs an outlet, otherwise I’m no good with the kids. I suppose it’s my ‘me time’, even if they are sitting on the bench licking the beaters. My greatest hope as a mother is that I can send my children out into the world as caring, thoughtful people. It’s not about good grades or who is more successful, as long as they are happy and doing what they love. It is because of Michael that I have to capacity to do anything other than wrangle children and cook dinner… He is an amazing, hands-on dad, and he has infinite patience for the kids. Seeing the kind of parent he is teaches me to be a better mother. It might be mothers day, but I’d be far less effective, and calm I suspect, if it wasn’t for him.” - Phoebe

“All I can say is that I am very lucky, it is nice to be in a long chain of mothers.” - Great Grandma Glenice

“Sophal, [my son] is finishing his Ph.D in Phnom Penh, the city we were evicted from on that hellish day. I had tried to give him away so that he could live, but, miraculously, we are still together” - Cam Youk Lim, Sophal’s mother who saved her family from the Khmer Rouge by escaping to Vietnam in 1975

“To be a mum means everything to me. It’s great, but challenging. All my kids’ grandparents are overseas and I feel like I’m depriving both parties of the joy of the relationship but they do still have a relationship. My mum was in the same boat as me but without today’s technology she had to wait months and months for letters. I feel very lucky for technology.” - Lisa

“At first I was very happy when my daughter went to study medicine. After I realised she was really all the way in Croatia I started to miss her. Especially because I am not only her mother but her friend as well. When I complain to her that she never calls me or Skypes she said ‘Mum, you build me wings I can fly. Now I’m flying. Some changes are happening and you need to accept them’. Those changes I needed on year to accept!” - Kata

“From the time I was very young, my life was about adventures and experiences, moving from place to place, trying so many jobs and and activies I can barely list them all. When Brian and I decided to start a family, the idea of truly settling down, and focusing all my energy on raising a child and supporting a family was quite daunting. Of all the fears, doubts, and worries I began motherhood with, I found myself most surpised by a change I never expected. In becoming a mother, other mothers and family connections became my favorite new adventure. Women whom I struggled to relate to before became my best friends, offering guidance, funny stories, love and understanding. Women, who had been competetion for everything that mattered before, became the best allies I would ever need in motherhood. Family sharing traditions, friends sharing tips, mothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, friends, suddenly become symbols of the type of woman and mother I could emulate or hope my daughter grows up to emulate. My unique experience in the motherhood journey was learning that mothering is a multi-momming adventure, the more moms involved (no matter how far away they live) the better we all mother our children.” - Allison

“I think that before I had children, I was preoccupied with counting up the sorts of things motherhood obliges you to give up. I sort of had to be talked into it a bit, actually – mainly because I’ve always loved my work so much. What I didn’t expect was the extent to which I wouldn’t mind all that stuff – the early mornings, the nappies, the madness.” - Annabel Crabb, political journalist and writer

“This week my daughter made a show of defiance. At three and a half years old that’s pretty basic: after yelling at me she turned around and walked away. I let her cool off on her own but as I continued to cook dinner I couldn’t stop from wondering what effect the unresolved outburst had had on her: was she sulking in a corner or playing as if nothing happened? After probably only 15 seconds I found her in her room where she was playing. I got down so our eyes were level and asked “How’re you feeling?” to which she replied with a divine smile “fine!”. I checked a few more times – she wasn’t upset at all. So I went back to my cooking. It reminded me of all the times my mom and I had an argument and when I came back to her she was anxious about whether I was still mad and how much she’d upset me. When I was young I thought my mom was over-sensitive and quirky. Now I realise that you just love your kids so much that the thought of causing them pain is unbearable. I also realise that if you love your kids that much being upset after an argument will never even occur to them. Being a mum is loving your kids so much that they don’t even understand just how much you love them (until perhaps they have kids of their own). - me

“Being a mum to my 2 daughters is; hilarious, delightful, exhausting, challenging, surprising and rewarding, every single day. My 2 girls, aged 19 months and 4 and a half are so very different in most ways, but they both share a wonderful imagination, cheeky smile and a fearlessness that amazes me.
The last 4 and a half years have been so very difficult in some ways for us, not sleeping through the night ONCE is the biggest hurdle that makes daily life that much harder. But on most days I am proud of how we are raising our girls, and I know that being their mum is the most important thing I will ever do. ” - Kate

“About 13 years ago when Joanne was less than 3 years old we came to Australia together. But because childcare was so expensive people said best to send her back to China. She was here only 11 days and when I came back without her I found life so hard. It was hard but I knew she was safe and well looked after with her grandparents and aunt and uncle. In those days we could only talk on the phone. At first she would talk a lot with me but then less and less. I remember her grandparents telling me how she found a t-shirt I left behind that she used to hug to her everyday. I still have that t-shirt, I will never give it away. Eight months after we separated we apllied for her visa to come back but she couldn’t come back until the following year. When she came back I thought she was such a sweet girl and prettier than before. She always imagined ‘What does my mum look like?’. She imagined me with make-up and nail polish. She must have been disappointed to see how plain I was. When I saw her again at six years old I said to her I will never let you go away from me again. Now she is 17 and not going until she is married!” - Yong Juan

“The separation was a character building experience because it forced me to be more independent, to care for myself at times. When people compare me with my younger sister they can see I’m much more independent. I don’t resent my mum for what happened but I know othe people who have been separated at a young age and I think it can be a good thing to do. I went on exchange to France for three months and it was easier to be separated from my mum because I’d done it before. Will I leave my child for two years when they’re 4? Probably not.” - Joanne, Yong Juan’s daughter

“The woman is most strong person all over the world. For the last 20 years the Somali woman has stood up. They were the leaders, and we are the leaders of our community, and the hope of our future generations” - Dr Hawa Abdi, manager with her two daughters of a medical clinic in Somalia treating refugee women and children, often for free.

“Being a mother is the most rewarding job ever. There is no greater purpose than watching your children gorw up. And to have someone in your life all their life is very gratifying. It’s wonderful. It helps you see yourself because your children reflect the good and the bad in you. They mirror you and you never mind putting your kids first” - Kathy (the best mom in the world)

What does has becoming a mum meant to you?

Getting to know baby Ned

Holding your newborn baby for the first time is an incredible experience.  You love your baby before it’s even born, so you have this strange feeling of love for someone you have never met and barely even know.

That’s why it can be really overwhelming in the first weeks of parenthood because not only are you recovering from delivery, getting used to a lack of sleep, trying to work out what sort of parent you are whilst trying to stay on top of daily life, but you are also getting to know your baby.

It takes time to learn what their sounds mean, whether grunting means tired, hungry, or happy, to learn whether they find it more soothing to be bounced or rocked or patted or just cuddled, what their favorite position is for a cuddle and so on.

Don’t let yourself become overwhelmed with getting to know your baby, or get anxious over every strange new thing they do. It takes a few weeks for your newborn to settle into life outside, for your family to adjust to the new arrival, and for you all to get to know eachother.

You won’t even realise its happening as you and your baby grow familiar with eachother, until one day they learn to do something new all by themselves and their big eyes shoot up to look at you with a face full of pride. When that day comes you will realise just how well you know your baby, and just how well they know you.

Home-made rusks to soothe sore gums

Although I’ve never used rusks with my second child, I found them very handy with number one. They’re great to keep a few in your bag so you’ve always got something to keep your little one busy when you’re out and about, or trying to have a quiet coffee with a friend.

The only problem with the store-bought rusks is that the bits that come off them are awfully gooey, and when they dry they become hard as cement and near impossible to clean off things like the pram, or your hair. They also often contain salt, which lets face it, is not going to hurt your baby in small amounts but you’re baby also doesn’t need it. They’re also very cheap to make.

My friend Helen shared with me a great recipe for home-made rusks that is so simple, let’s you know exactly what you’re giving your baby (especially if you make your own bread like we do–thanks to the bread machine), and the mess is much much easier to clean.

Here is the recipe:

• one slice of bread cut into four sticks, or soldiers
• microwave for 30s

And that’s all. Really.

I got a bit creative and would put puree vegies on the bread before microwaving it because Amelia wouldn’t eat any sort of vegetable. So I’d give her beetroot, pumpkin, or greem mash on a stick and she would gnaw away at it as I did the groceries, or went for a walk. Very handy!

Does your baby like teething sticks?

Having a baby is an emotional experience for all the family members

When I had my first baby I experienced a natural euphoria like no other. We came home from the hospital and I couldn’t understand how the whole world didn’t just stop to look at my baby. Here we had this incredibly beautiful and precious thing that my husband and I had just created together. I wanted to scream down the street “I have a baby!” While watering the plants, after having just breastfed my baby, I  imagined myself as a kind of Mother Goddess, nurturing all life on the planet with my own body.

It was an incredible high that lasted about three days. Until my milk came in. What goes up apparently also comes down.

The slightest hesitation on behalf of my husband, baby, mother, or any nurse who dared to help me would send me into tears. I felt as though I was already failing as a mother and there was no hope of salvage. I had been given a list of phone numbers for places to help but couldn’t seem to make sense of any of it. My body ached, I was tired, and nothing seemed natural anymore.

But that too passed, and for me it was over in about 24 hours.

It’s entirely normal to experience this sort of roller coaster after having a baby. I think it’s just important to know what to expect. There’s a lot of attention in pregnancy on labour and delivering the baby, but not so much education about the first week or so after the baby is born. Or maybe there is but I didn’t pay attention to it.

Knowledge is power and knowing that what you’re feeling is normal and will pass is an important tool for coping with the wild emotions. Another important tool is knowing where to go for help and if you’re ever concerned you should talk to your antenatal nurse, early childhood health nurse, or GP.

When either Tom or I felt like we weren’t coping very well we talked with eachother (in fact, we also set up  great rule for making sure we didn’t get overwhelmed at bedtime), friends and family. There are also a number of helplines you can call, and you don’t even need a reason to call them:

• Pregnancy, birth and baby helpline: 24 hours, 1800 882 436
• Post and Antenatal Depression Association (PANDA) helpline: Mon – Fri 9am – 7pm, 1300 726 306

Were you happy at the birth of your baby?

I love swimming. I love the way the light dances on the bottom of the pool and the drunken sway of the water surface seen from below. I love the look of the bubbles as they rise and glimmer in the sun. I love the coolness of the water in summer, and the lightness of my massive pregnant body. I could spend all day swimming.

Check out this video I took two winters ago…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9omHalTo9o

This is a blog post from my husband Tom…

Either dads make great comedians, comedians make great dads, or kids are just brilliant comedy material.

Brian Regan finds the funnier side of parenting.

I’ve been noticing a lot more comedians (probably only because I have kids now) doing bits about their kids and the amazing, funny, ridiculous things they say and make you do. Children provide us with daily jokes, situational comedy, slapstick and ludicrous scenarios that could turn any confused parent into the next Bill Cosby. I’ve thought about it many times, “this tantrum would destroy at the local improv!”

Two comedians recently have really stepped it up in this category of comedy that come to mind. Brian Regan and Louis C.K. These two guys must have brilliantly funny kids, or they just live miserable lives and they have no other choice but to laugh at themselves. Kids = comedy, otherwise funniest home videos would basically be left with all the brides falling over and stupid cats.

Brian Regan focuses on actual physical damage to himself and others (mainly the kids themselves) in his comedy (watch “All by myself” about his wonderful kids). He can pull some pretty weird faces and he is loud, so the slapstick is really his niche. Brian Regan is one of my favorite comedians, he is also nearly killed me 3 times. Two when I choked on airplane food laughing at his jokes, on 2 separate occasions, and one when a mate crashed his car while we were listening to his cd. Thanks Brian, keep it up. Like all great comedy, it’s funny cos it’s true, so when he describes his realization that his sweet child is about to land on his head from a running leap, I laugh, not because I’m laughing at the poor guy, but because I know that one day that’s going to happen to me, and there is nothing I can do about….so I laugh.

Louis C.K. on the other hand, is far more affected in his happy home by a manipulating and emotionally destructive daughter. She can destroy her parents desire to live with one simple word, “why?” (watch it on YouTube). You’d think the lengths the daughter goes through to get an answer is taking the situation to its absurd conclusion, but it’s probably spot on. Again, I know this will happen to me. Amelia has already started with the why phase and I hear stories of when I went through the why phase, then we’ll get round two with Ned, and Amelia has just started to figure out how to lie. Perfect for comedy and just as funny as any Louise C.K. bit.

I am a big comedy fan, especially these two, and of course when I was younger, although I didn’t get it as much, I loved the Cosby Show, Funniest home videos and kids on Red Faces was always a favorite. As a parent I truly appreciate the fact that I can laugh at the the things that would otherwise make me cry in despair. Appreciating the comedy in kids makes me think of the funny side of the situation far quicker than usual, and I think that is a very good thing!

So next time your child is screaming at you because they want the pink fork, not the green one, or they have landed on your mummy daddy button from a height, think of how funny other people would see this, think of Louis C.K. and his life, think of how much Brian Regan would love to have this material in his set. But if you don’t have kids and you see a kid melt down in the supermarket aisle, DO NOT LAUGH! No matter how bloody hilarious it is! Just know that the parents will see the funny side a little bit later than you.

Now go and watch your kids, and take a notepad and pencil with you, you’ll need it.